A Series of Really Bad Haikus that (Mostly) Have Nothing to Do with Nature

 

“Toe Rings and Pearl Diving in French Polynesia or it Could Be Vietnam or in the South Indian Ocean – You Know What, The French Have Islands All Over The World So It Doesn’t Really Matter”

Ocean Spans So Wide
Sparkles Not From Emeralds
Glistens Like Wet Pearls

 

“The Mohawk Subdivision is a Railroad Line Not the Next Great Punk Band”

Nature divided
And beaten to submission
For your cityscapes

 

“The Secrets Lives of Socks – i.e. A Ton of Sock Puns In A Row – Row – Row Your Boat Gently Down The Seam”

Soul-mates lost at sea
One gold toe made of cotton
Waits for heart to heel

 

“The Sinking of the Bismark Has Nothing to Do with Sex”

Large… hard… metal… boat.
Oh, you sunk my battleship
Mind of puberty

 

“I Try to Wax Poetic When All I Want to Do Is Drink Coffee And Go Home.”
Trees shift and sway. Move.
More graceful than I could be.
Sadness overwhelms.

 

“It’s Either a Beached Whale or the Neighbors Doing the Nasty”

Painful cries call me
Should I listen at midnight
When you need me. End.